{ Ticking Clocks Can Enlighten }

"Tick tock" is the quiet drum that beats in the back of my mind as the minutes wane to my surgery. Don't get me wrong, I am not worried about the surgery itself, it is the inability to be accessible to my clients that is my largest stressor. Which brings me to an interesting place...the need to create balance even when I don't mind the lack of equilibrium. You see, I love my work and I don't ever mind working seven days a week or checking emails and phone messages constantly or getting up in the wee hours to work on a particularly hairy project. This life I have created as a self employed person is exactly that...the life I created.
But I acknowledge and have acknowledged for a while that my job is too all consuming and I know from watching my mother's life that it isn't always healthy. Since losing my mother unexpectedly three years ago to ovarian cancer I have taken both lessons from and solace in how she lived for her work. We did similar jobs, she at a community college and me as an independent contractor. There are days when I am buried in my work that I feel oddly close to her. But those are the same days that I know I have not walked in the garden or had dinner with friends or reached out to my family. It's been an amazing part of my journey, these three years. But as the clock in my head ticks down to the witching hour of my surgery, I WILL take the full time away from my office to rest, recover, read, walk the garden, maybe sketch again and be something other than the keeper of the pennies. Hopefully I can find the other side of my personality still fully intact, simply waiting to be reengaged.
I'll blog again once I am on the other side of surgery! Until then, be well, file your taxes before midnight tomorrow and grow some veggies! It's spring somewhere!